[ There's a world of difference between a man being an asshole and a man not being too polite, but Claire isn't exactly the best to make the distinction. She splashes in his direction again, but this time it's with a lot less effort behind it. ]
Yeah, it's you. And I like it.
[ She's just being honest, she thinks. She doesn't make an attempt to come closer, to push past the boundaries he's established between them. ]
Honestly? I'm not used to this. I'm used to men taking what they want from me, and calling it a day. So if I keep on putting my foot in my mouth, it's just because... I don't know. It's kind of what I expect will work, and cause me the least heartache.
[ It's been easier to shield herself. Derek being different is... well. ]
You, and the way you do things, it... destabilizes me. [ She looks down, the water so dark in the night she can't see anything below. ] And I'm okay. It's getting better now.
[ That confession makes Derek smile. He likes her, too. Maybe a few months ago, he might have jumped into this a little faster and with a little more faith, but already twice since his arrival in Cadelle, he's tried to dive right in, gotten himself invested, and then the woman in question has up and disappeared with nary a goodbye.
He's not looking forward to that heartache a third time. It feels a little like punishing himself if he sets himself up for that again so soon. It doesn't occur to him that he might be punishing Claire in the interim without meaning to. ]
I've never been like that. ...my mother and sister would roll over in their graves if I ever treated a woman like that, I think. So, you're not. It's okay. I'm just glad you're willing to let me be glacially slow for the time being without telling me to just fuck off and forget it.
[ And that's the truth. He'd like to feel like Claire is going to be a different experience, but he'd told himself that Glinda would be, too, and look where that got him. ]
[ Looking up, Claire licks her lips, bending her knees to submerge herself all the way to her chin. ]
Honestly? I don't know. Because I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, and whatever I do end up doing is wrong. Which I'm not used to.
[ Because she is a grown woman, with a high-responsibilities job, and she is confident in herself, and her skills. ]
It's sort of like - I feel like I'm taking a test, and failing it. Like, right now, we're both here. We're both naked. But I don't want to rush you, and so I'm here, feeling like an idiot that shouldn't have asked for this to happen, you know? Because it's not what you want.
[ She means to say more, because she knows it's not on either of them. It's just the way life is, sometimes. Timings go awry, and people can't meet in the middle. But she's embarrassed, at this point, and she turns away, looking up at the moon instead of looking at Derek. It's simpler. ]
[ Derek's brow creases. The last thing that he wants is to be the reason that someone feels bad about themselves. He's not testing her and he doesn't intend to make her second guess herself; half of what attracts Derek to Claire in the first place is that she's confident and strong.
He can't remember a time in his life before or after Kate specifically where he felt like he was hurting someone's feelings because he wasn't rushing them, so it takes him aback and not necessarily in a good way. The confusion would probably show on his face once it registers except that she's turned her back on him. ]
You're...upset because I'm not immediately sexualizing this. [ That's a first. ] Not really sure how to respond to that, Claire, I'm going to be honest.
[ She'd known that he wasn't the jump right in type when she'd invited him and when he'd accepted. She knows he prefers to take his time and why he's wary about doing it any other way in Cadelle.
Derek scrubs a hand over his face and lifts his eyebrows. If he'd been working up the courage to move in that direction before, now he isn't. Now he feels like there's something wrong with him. Maybe there is, because Claire's hardly the only person who seems to think so.
Maybe the mistake isn't having asked him to come out here like this, maybe the mistake was him coming to a place like Cadelle in the first place; maybe Derek Hale isn't built for it. ]
I...if hanging out with me and letting me take my time is going to make you feel bad about yourself, Claire, then maybe we shouldn't. I don't want to make you feel bad about yourself. You're smart and beautiful and I wouldn't be here if I didn't enjoy spending time with you. But I don't want to be the reason you feel shitty...I'm not that guy, either. Or at least, I really don't want to be.
No, you misunderstand. I’m not upset, and I’m definitely not upset that you’re not jumping me. Sure, there’s a part of me that wonders why, if there is something besides your past getting in the way, if it’s me. But that’s not a big part at all. If I want sex, I can get it. That’s not it. What I’m saying is that I feel like I made a mistake asking you to do this. I keep making mistakes because I’m not used to this, and I’m jumping the shark. It’s not fair on either of us.
[ She’s being open, and honest, and so she turns towards Derek to show him her face, the sincerity in her eyes. ]
I like you, but I’d rather not you feel obligated towards me just because of stuff like this. I guess this whole - dating but taking things slow thing is just new to me, and I’ve got to adjust. Maybe you should give me some ground rules. Like, is it okay to flirt outrageously? Is it okay to touch you? Hold your hand? Stuff like that.
[ She smiles, gentle as she can make it, sincere and open. ]
[ That's still a little confusing to Derek, because if Claire was truly misstepping, he wouldn't be here. But then, he reminds himself, Claire is still getting to know him, so she can't really be confident in knowing that about him yet. It's fair for her to feel the way she feels, just as it's fair for him to feel a little put out by the fact that him liking the idea of taking his time appears to be so incredibly frustrating to the women around him. ]
I don't do things like this because I'm feeling obligated. I join a fight because I feel obligated. I come back to help people after leaving somewhere, because I feel obligated. I don't ask women out to museums or meet them for drinks or come out to the beach for skinny-dipping because I feel obligated.
[ He wets his lips and takes a deep breath, sighing it back out softly. ]
I don't really have any interest in having sex anytime soon. That's a lot more vulnerable than I want to get with someone right now. But none of that is specific to you. So yeah, it's okay to flirt outrageously, so long as you're willing to cut me a break for being a little rusty in reciprocating without sounding like an idiot. And yeah, it's okay to touch me. It's okay to hold my hand. It's fine.
[ Derek pauses then for a moment and then a little smile tugs up the corners of his mouth. ]
If this whole conversation right now is happening because it's weird that we're naked and I still feel comfortable having a casual conversation without necessarily jumping right to flirting, it's because I prefer being naked, ever since the evolution into full wolf transitioning abilities. I like it better. I just keep wearing clothes because that's what people do and most people just assume I'm a person. So...yeah...
[ Claire nods, looking back up at the moon for a moment. She gets what he’s saying, and she knows it’s the way for most. But here’s also an amount of men and women that like to do things because they feel like they have to, not because they want to. Claire smiles, more to herself than to Derek. ]
I’m glad I’m not one of your obligations, then.
[ in some ways, that is what she needed to hear. And when he tells her she can touch, Claire reaches out, her hand dripping with water when she pulls it up to press the back of her knuckles to his cheek, just for a second, just to test it out. As she said, if she wants sex, she can find it somewhere else. She isn’t sure she can give Derek the connection he wants - it’s not exactly what she’s looking for, here, and she doesn’t want to be yet another woman that hurts him, but she also feels like he deserves it, and she doesn’t know how to stop.
She has to chuckle a bit when he mentions preferring to be naked. ]
Yeah, I can assure you most people don’t prefer being naked.
[ Without really meaning to, Derek leans into the touch a little. He isn't really sure that this place is a good fit; he's looking for something that most other people here are not, after all. Derek isn't actually planning on going home unless the city officials grant his wish or tell him that he's not contributing enough and kick him out. So, if by chance he can't stay forever, while he's here, he might as well make the most of it, right? The best way he knows how which, unfortunately for the women who might be interested around him, is glacially slow.
But ideally? Ideally, Derek wants to find someone with whom he can eventually build a family. It wouldn't surprise him to know that Claire isn't interested in being that woman; it wouldn't surprise him to learn that anyone here didn't feel up to that particular task or have any interest in it, even in the future, if he's honest. He has a feeling he's probably one of the only people here with that particular end goal. Story of his life.
He smiles a little at her response and reaches to take her hand. ]
Yeah, well...most people can't turn into a wolf and run around on four legs in the woods at will, either, so I'm kind of okay with being weird in that regard.
[ They might not meant for each other, but they can still do this. If she ever feels like it’s going too far towards feelings she can’t reciprocate, or is too scared to go for, then she’ll shut it down. She’d prefer to stay his friend than to hurt him, just by not being who or what he’s looking for. They both deserve better than playing games with each other.
Still, she smiles, her fingers curling around his. ]
It’s probably impossible for you to explain, but. How does it feel?
[ That question makes Derek take pause. It's actually the first time he's been asked and he has to think about it for a moment before even attempting to answer. There are a lot of things that Claire could mean. Does she want to know what it feels like physically to make the transition? Or does she want to know what it feels like emotionally and spiritually? Does she mean after he's turned into the wolf or while he's doing it? ]
Yeah that's a tough one to put into words. Uh...I don't know...liberating. I guess. That's kind of the best word I can come up with that might even begin to describe the whole thing from start to finish. It just feels like freedom. It feels like home.
[ He's really not sure that answers her question at all, but he tried? ]
[ She takes a moment before talking again, considering his words. It makes more sense than he thinks. ]
So, if you could, would you just - be a wolf, all the time?
[ There’s another question on her lips, a burning one that she isn’t sure she’s earned his trust enough to ask, yet. Still - it’s better than not knowing. ]
[ Derek gives her a facial shrug at that, coupled with a matching shrug of his shoulders. It's a good question, he's just never really given it much thought. ]
I mean, I guess not. Technically, I absolutely could be a wolf all the time, if I wanted, and I just haven't yet, so...yeah, I don't know. I never thought about it, but I guess not. Maybe it wouldn't feel as liberating if I didn't come back to human form once in a while, I don't know...
[ But her next question makes him smile. ]
Oh yeah, absolutely. You mean, like, would I take your arm off if you tried to pet me? I'd probably end up on my back. Shockingly, there's a reason dogs like their bellies rubbed and wolves are no different if they trust you enough. I ran into Kara once, accidentally, when I was in that form. She just took it upon herself to pet me thinking I was some random wolf. Turns out, it feels kind of nice being petted, actually, so...yeah. For sure, I'd let you.
[ It's a long-winded and semi-awkward way to admit that Derek feels a lot more open and comfortable with affection when he's in a form where he's confident that affection won't slide into the realm of sexualization. Sex has Consequences, in Derek's experience. That's the part that's scary, not the affection. It's where the affection always eventually naturally leads that scares the hell out of him. ]
That makes sense. It’s like going on vacation, I guess. It feels amazing because for a period of time, it’s like life fades away, but it can’t last. And it wouldn’t feel that way forever, either. After a while, troubles come back, whether you want it or not.
[ It’s unconscious, the way she steps closer. She doesn’t reach out again, but she feels comfortable stepping close, sand shifting under her toes. ]
I’d like to see it. It’s funny, how I think, rationally, I should be terrified of ending up face to face with a wolf, but I think I’d be okay if it’s you.
[ She looks up again, eyes meeting his. Her voice was soft, feeling like the admission was extremely stupid. We’re it anyone else, she’d probably lean in for a kiss right now, but she refrains, not wanting the moment to break again. She isn’t failing him again. ]
[ That's a good metaphor for it, now that Derek thinks about it. It's like taking a miniature vacation. His mind is still there, but he can run free and uninterrupted out in the woods, sometimes with Malia; mostly alone. It's nice because it's liberating and quiet, but he doesn't have to stay that way and hunt his food, search for shelter in the wilderness... It's a happy medium to be able to go back and forth. That way, he gets the best of both worlds.
Derek notices her moving closer but he doesn't move away, he just smiles a little, looking back at her and wetting his lips. ]
I don't think it's funny. You know it's me, you trust me. You know I would never hurt you. I think it makes perfect sense.
[ He pauses again. He considers kissing her and worries that the moment has passed and he's missed it. He chastises himself because maybe it would've been a good time to take a baby step forward. Is the fact that he missed his window for natural progression a sign of his incompetence in the world of dating now that he's in it again? Or is it a sign that it's not supposed to happen right now and that's why he hadn't noticed it when it cropped up; only after it passed him by?
He's thinking too much. The only way Derek knows to stop thinking so much is to do exactly what they're talking about. ]
[ If he asked her, she wouldn't say the moment has passed. The moment, to her, is still firmly built around them, a bubble in which she's a little cold, very naked, but finally enjoying the conversation again, finally getting to dig deeper again. However, even though her eyes flick down to his lips for a second, she doesn't move forward any more, letting him make the decision if he wants to.
But he's probably thinking too much, she can tell, just by the look on his face, the micro-expressions. ]
So you completely control it, right? You still are... you, when you're a wolf?
[ Derek grins a little. That's a fair question, because he can't recall whether he's ever actually stated it in just so many words. Of course she wants to make sure that he's still in the driver's seat even when he appears in the form of a wild animal. ]
Yeah, I'm still in there. I have the wolf's instincts and body, but I'm still in there. I'm still in control.
[ With that, he starts to walk away from her, back toward the beach so that when he transitions, he'll be able to keep his head above water. Midway, when he's sure that he won't be out of his depth anymore, Derek's body starts to transition. It's fairly quick and smooth, fur suddenly appearing where expanses of bare skin once were, and then he's dropped to all fours and appears as the wolf, trotting out of the water and onto the beach, stopping on the sand and shaking the ocean water out of his fur before looking back at her, eyes glowing bright blue. ]
[ Claire watches the whole thing happen before her eyes, under the moonlight, her heart beating crazily fast in her chest. It's amazing, and terrifying, and fascinating all at once, that Derek is even real, a real person in this world she apparently lives in, now. A werewolf, like in so many fairytales and movies she's seen. But real, here, tangible, and waiting for her on the beach.
Claire forces herself to move, trying not to feel self-conscious as he watches her as she wades out of the water, naked as the day she was born. She shivers in the cool air, grabbing her towel and wrapping it around herself before too long, and then sits in the sand close to Derek, her fingers itching to touch his damp fur. ]
Hey, [ she says, soft, as her fingers reach out, curling around the back of one of his ears. ]
[ If there was a way for Derek to let her know how little he tends to notice nudity when not in an explicitly sexual situation, he would, because he can imagine that she must be feeling a little self-conscious, at least, given that he's just standing there covered in fur waiting for her to approach. He waits patiently for her to wrap herself in a towel before she finally addresses him. With this form comes the security and lack of inhibitions, so Derek's large head pushes into her touch, appreciating the tactile sensation.
Glowing blue eyes fixate on her face and if she looks deeply enough, she may see a more attentive consciousness behind them than another animal might have been able to display, because there's a human inside. ]
[ When he pushes into the touch, Claire smiles. She's never been much of an animal person, but. This is not just some animal, this is Derek, huge and dark and impressive. She pushes her fingers through his fur some more, eyes taking him in, entirely fascinated. ]
God, you're beautiful in every form you can take. Doesn't seem very fair, does it?
[ The words hold a hint of a tease. He is beautiful like this, majestic. ]
[ That compliment earns Claire a little huff through his nostrils, amusement there because he can tell that she's teasing, but he appreciates the sentiment all the same. It's certainly harder to communicate when he's like this, but it's actually really nice to be able to trust someone seeing him like this not to hurt him for being able to do it. Claire isn't the type, he can tell; she never would.
The glow falls away from his eyes and they are darker but still full of human understanding as he looks back at her, leaning slightly into her touch again when she continues it. He can't help it; it feels nice. He'll transition back when she stops or if she asks him to, but for now, he's going to let himself enjoy the tactile attention. ]
[ She's not about to ask him to shift back. She likes this, the comfort in the silence, and the implicit trust between the two of them. Sure, she might be doing things wrong half the time with him, but they still have this, the trust. It's something, and Claire wants to enjoy it, allow him to have a good time.
When she gets a bit cold, she slips her dress back on, without underwear - who cares, at this point - and keeps on petting Derek, running long along his flank, back up to his head, running her fingers down between his eyes. ]
[ It's amusing to Derek that she's still worried about being bad at this after he's already had the conversation with her that if she was that bad at it, he wouldn't be here. Additionally, how bad can someone possibly be at petting a docile wolf?
Because he can't speak, Derek moves his head into her touch again before stepping away from her only enough to lie down and roll onto his back. See? Implicit trust. That's something that most people who know him even a little know is something he does not give lightly. She's not sucking it up or he wouldn't still be doing this. It'd be all too easy to shift back, take up his clothes, and call it a night. He isn't. ]
[ She lets out a soft noise when he turns over to his back, offering her his stomach. She might not be much of an animal person but she knows what that means, the trust, the submission. Slowly, she shuffles closer, knees making grooves in the sand as she buries her fingers in his fur some more.
He's so dark, he could be an oil spill, and Claire is fascinated, feeling the rapid beat of his heart against his ribcage. She feels like maybe she shouldn't, but she leans in anyway, pressing her ear to it, the thumping loud and steady, the fur soft against her skin. ]
[ Derek hasn't actually spent this long in wolf form in the presence of someone else. The first time he'd done it at all, it had been with Kara and it had been an accident; she'd come upon him when he'd been out on a run and she'd just approached him and started petting him, so he'd had to pull back and transition out, not wanting her to be unaware of what she had actually been doing.
This is different and it's strange, but it's also kind of nice, because this way, they're communicating non-verbally and sometimes, for Derek, that's actually more powerful; he's not as good at talking, sometimes, as Claire has almost definitely noticed.
Derek takes a deep breath, letting it out in a contented sigh through his nostrils when she rests her head against his chest to listen to his heart. He can hear hers without reciprocating the action but it's nice to hear that it's not erratic with uncertainty, or worse, fear that he'll turn on her in this form.
He waits patiently, comfortably, until she sits back up before getting almost grudgingly back to his feet again and then lowering himself into a sit as he looks back at her, studying her expression and trying to gauge what she might be thinking and whether he ought to stay like this longer or transition back out; whether the latter will shatter this sort of moment of bonding they're sharing when he's feeling less inhibited because he feels safer when he's embracing this part of himself than he does when he's hiding it in the human form. ]
[ When they're sitting, face to face, Claire doesn't do anything but look at him for a long time, not wanting to say anything, break the silence and the understanding between the two of them right now. Instead, after a long while, she reaches out again, cupping his bottom jaw, not holding in any way, a finger stroking along the jawbone.
If he wants to change back, she'll take it. If he wants to stay like this longer, she'll also take it. She genuinely doesn't have words, right now, and all she can think of doing if he does change back is lean in, hold and touch him as a human as she did when he was a wolf. ]
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no subject
Yeah, it's you. And I like it.
[ She's just being honest, she thinks. She doesn't make an attempt to come closer, to push past the boundaries he's established between them. ]
Honestly? I'm not used to this. I'm used to men taking what they want from me, and calling it a day. So if I keep on putting my foot in my mouth, it's just because... I don't know. It's kind of what I expect will work, and cause me the least heartache.
[ It's been easier to shield herself. Derek being different is... well. ]
You, and the way you do things, it... destabilizes me. [ She looks down, the water so dark in the night she can't see anything below. ] And I'm okay. It's getting better now.
no subject
He's not looking forward to that heartache a third time. It feels a little like punishing himself if he sets himself up for that again so soon. It doesn't occur to him that he might be punishing Claire in the interim without meaning to. ]
I've never been like that. ...my mother and sister would roll over in their graves if I ever treated a woman like that, I think. So, you're not. It's okay. I'm just glad you're willing to let me be glacially slow for the time being without telling me to just fuck off and forget it.
[ And that's the truth. He'd like to feel like Claire is going to be a different experience, but he'd told himself that Glinda would be, too, and look where that got him. ]
Is that bad...? That it destabilizes you?
no subject
Honestly? I don't know. Because I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, and whatever I do end up doing is wrong. Which I'm not used to.
[ Because she is a grown woman, with a high-responsibilities job, and she is confident in herself, and her skills. ]
It's sort of like - I feel like I'm taking a test, and failing it. Like, right now, we're both here. We're both naked. But I don't want to rush you, and so I'm here, feeling like an idiot that shouldn't have asked for this to happen, you know? Because it's not what you want.
[ She means to say more, because she knows it's not on either of them. It's just the way life is, sometimes. Timings go awry, and people can't meet in the middle. But she's embarrassed, at this point, and she turns away, looking up at the moon instead of looking at Derek. It's simpler. ]
no subject
He can't remember a time in his life before or after Kate specifically where he felt like he was hurting someone's feelings because he wasn't rushing them, so it takes him aback and not necessarily in a good way. The confusion would probably show on his face once it registers except that she's turned her back on him. ]
You're...upset because I'm not immediately sexualizing this. [ That's a first. ] Not really sure how to respond to that, Claire, I'm going to be honest.
[ She'd known that he wasn't the jump right in type when she'd invited him and when he'd accepted. She knows he prefers to take his time and why he's wary about doing it any other way in Cadelle.
Derek scrubs a hand over his face and lifts his eyebrows. If he'd been working up the courage to move in that direction before, now he isn't. Now he feels like there's something wrong with him. Maybe there is, because Claire's hardly the only person who seems to think so.
Maybe the mistake isn't having asked him to come out here like this, maybe the mistake was him coming to a place like Cadelle in the first place; maybe Derek Hale isn't built for it. ]
I...if hanging out with me and letting me take my time is going to make you feel bad about yourself, Claire, then maybe we shouldn't. I don't want to make you feel bad about yourself. You're smart and beautiful and I wouldn't be here if I didn't enjoy spending time with you. But I don't want to be the reason you feel shitty...I'm not that guy, either. Or at least, I really don't want to be.
no subject
No, you misunderstand. I’m not upset, and I’m definitely not upset that you’re not jumping me. Sure, there’s a part of me that wonders why, if there is something besides your past getting in the way, if it’s me. But that’s not a big part at all. If I want sex, I can get it. That’s not it. What I’m saying is that I feel like I made a mistake asking you to do this. I keep making mistakes because I’m not used to this, and I’m jumping the shark. It’s not fair on either of us.
[ She’s being open, and honest, and so she turns towards Derek to show him her face, the sincerity in her eyes. ]
I like you, but I’d rather not you feel obligated towards me just because of stuff like this. I guess this whole - dating but taking things slow thing is just new to me, and I’ve got to adjust. Maybe you should give me some ground rules. Like, is it okay to flirt outrageously? Is it okay to touch you? Hold your hand? Stuff like that.
[ She smiles, gentle as she can make it, sincere and open. ]
no subject
I don't do things like this because I'm feeling obligated. I join a fight because I feel obligated. I come back to help people after leaving somewhere, because I feel obligated. I don't ask women out to museums or meet them for drinks or come out to the beach for skinny-dipping because I feel obligated.
[ He wets his lips and takes a deep breath, sighing it back out softly. ]
I don't really have any interest in having sex anytime soon. That's a lot more vulnerable than I want to get with someone right now. But none of that is specific to you. So yeah, it's okay to flirt outrageously, so long as you're willing to cut me a break for being a little rusty in reciprocating without sounding like an idiot. And yeah, it's okay to touch me. It's okay to hold my hand. It's fine.
[ Derek pauses then for a moment and then a little smile tugs up the corners of his mouth. ]
If this whole conversation right now is happening because it's weird that we're naked and I still feel comfortable having a casual conversation without necessarily jumping right to flirting, it's because I prefer being naked, ever since the evolution into full wolf transitioning abilities. I like it better. I just keep wearing clothes because that's what people do and most people just assume I'm a person. So...yeah...
no subject
I’m glad I’m not one of your obligations, then.
[ in some ways, that is what she needed to hear. And when he tells her she can touch, Claire reaches out, her hand dripping with water when she pulls it up to press the back of her knuckles to his cheek, just for a second, just to test it out. As she said, if she wants sex, she can find it somewhere else. She isn’t sure she can give Derek the connection he wants - it’s not exactly what she’s looking for, here, and she doesn’t want to be yet another woman that hurts him, but she also feels like he deserves it, and she doesn’t know how to stop.
She has to chuckle a bit when he mentions preferring to be naked. ]
Yeah, I can assure you most people don’t prefer being naked.
no subject
But ideally? Ideally, Derek wants to find someone with whom he can eventually build a family. It wouldn't surprise him to know that Claire isn't interested in being that woman; it wouldn't surprise him to learn that anyone here didn't feel up to that particular task or have any interest in it, even in the future, if he's honest. He has a feeling he's probably one of the only people here with that particular end goal. Story of his life.
He smiles a little at her response and reaches to take her hand. ]
Yeah, well...most people can't turn into a wolf and run around on four legs in the woods at will, either, so I'm kind of okay with being weird in that regard.
no subject
Still, she smiles, her fingers curling around his. ]
It’s probably impossible for you to explain, but. How does it feel?
no subject
Yeah that's a tough one to put into words. Uh...I don't know...liberating. I guess. That's kind of the best word I can come up with that might even begin to describe the whole thing from start to finish. It just feels like freedom. It feels like home.
[ He's really not sure that answers her question at all, but he tried? ]
no subject
So, if you could, would you just - be a wolf, all the time?
[ There’s another question on her lips, a burning one that she isn’t sure she’s earned his trust enough to ask, yet. Still - it’s better than not knowing. ]
If you turned, would you... let me touch you?
no subject
I mean, I guess not. Technically, I absolutely could be a wolf all the time, if I wanted, and I just haven't yet, so...yeah, I don't know. I never thought about it, but I guess not. Maybe it wouldn't feel as liberating if I didn't come back to human form once in a while, I don't know...
[ But her next question makes him smile. ]
Oh yeah, absolutely. You mean, like, would I take your arm off if you tried to pet me? I'd probably end up on my back. Shockingly, there's a reason dogs like their bellies rubbed and wolves are no different if they trust you enough. I ran into Kara once, accidentally, when I was in that form. She just took it upon herself to pet me thinking I was some random wolf. Turns out, it feels kind of nice being petted, actually, so...yeah. For sure, I'd let you.
[ It's a long-winded and semi-awkward way to admit that Derek feels a lot more open and comfortable with affection when he's in a form where he's confident that affection won't slide into the realm of sexualization. Sex has Consequences, in Derek's experience. That's the part that's scary, not the affection. It's where the affection always eventually naturally leads that scares the hell out of him. ]
no subject
[ It’s unconscious, the way she steps closer. She doesn’t reach out again, but she feels comfortable stepping close, sand shifting under her toes. ]
I’d like to see it. It’s funny, how I think, rationally, I should be terrified of ending up face to face with a wolf, but I think I’d be okay if it’s you.
[ She looks up again, eyes meeting his. Her voice was soft, feeling like the admission was extremely stupid. We’re it anyone else, she’d probably lean in for a kiss right now, but she refrains, not wanting the moment to break again. She isn’t failing him again. ]
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[ That's a good metaphor for it, now that Derek thinks about it. It's like taking a miniature vacation. His mind is still there, but he can run free and uninterrupted out in the woods, sometimes with Malia; mostly alone. It's nice because it's liberating and quiet, but he doesn't have to stay that way and hunt his food, search for shelter in the wilderness... It's a happy medium to be able to go back and forth. That way, he gets the best of both worlds.
Derek notices her moving closer but he doesn't move away, he just smiles a little, looking back at her and wetting his lips. ]
I don't think it's funny. You know it's me, you trust me. You know I would never hurt you. I think it makes perfect sense.
[ He pauses again. He considers kissing her and worries that the moment has passed and he's missed it. He chastises himself because maybe it would've been a good time to take a baby step forward. Is the fact that he missed his window for natural progression a sign of his incompetence in the world of dating now that he's in it again? Or is it a sign that it's not supposed to happen right now and that's why he hadn't noticed it when it cropped up; only after it passed him by?
He's thinking too much. The only way Derek knows to stop thinking so much is to do exactly what they're talking about. ]
...do you want to? See me change, really?
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But he's probably thinking too much, she can tell, just by the look on his face, the micro-expressions. ]
So you completely control it, right? You still are... you, when you're a wolf?
[ Her nod is eager, enthusiastic. ]
I'd love to.
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Yeah, I'm still in there. I have the wolf's instincts and body, but I'm still in there. I'm still in control.
[ With that, he starts to walk away from her, back toward the beach so that when he transitions, he'll be able to keep his head above water. Midway, when he's sure that he won't be out of his depth anymore, Derek's body starts to transition. It's fairly quick and smooth, fur suddenly appearing where expanses of bare skin once were, and then he's dropped to all fours and appears as the wolf, trotting out of the water and onto the beach, stopping on the sand and shaking the ocean water out of his fur before looking back at her, eyes glowing bright blue. ]
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Claire forces herself to move, trying not to feel self-conscious as he watches her as she wades out of the water, naked as the day she was born. She shivers in the cool air, grabbing her towel and wrapping it around herself before too long, and then sits in the sand close to Derek, her fingers itching to touch his damp fur. ]
Hey, [ she says, soft, as her fingers reach out, curling around the back of one of his ears. ]
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Glowing blue eyes fixate on her face and if she looks deeply enough, she may see a more attentive consciousness behind them than another animal might have been able to display, because there's a human inside. ]
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God, you're beautiful in every form you can take. Doesn't seem very fair, does it?
[ The words hold a hint of a tease. He is beautiful like this, majestic. ]
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The glow falls away from his eyes and they are darker but still full of human understanding as he looks back at her, leaning slightly into her touch again when she continues it. He can't help it; it feels nice. He'll transition back when she stops or if she asks him to, but for now, he's going to let himself enjoy the tactile attention. ]
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When she gets a bit cold, she slips her dress back on, without underwear - who cares, at this point - and keeps on petting Derek, running long along his flank, back up to his head, running her fingers down between his eyes. ]
You let me know if I suck at this, yeah?
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Because he can't speak, Derek moves his head into her touch again before stepping away from her only enough to lie down and roll onto his back. See? Implicit trust. That's something that most people who know him even a little know is something he does not give lightly. She's not sucking it up or he wouldn't still be doing this. It'd be all too easy to shift back, take up his clothes, and call it a night. He isn't. ]
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He's so dark, he could be an oil spill, and Claire is fascinated, feeling the rapid beat of his heart against his ribcage. She feels like maybe she shouldn't, but she leans in anyway, pressing her ear to it, the thumping loud and steady, the fur soft against her skin. ]
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This is different and it's strange, but it's also kind of nice, because this way, they're communicating non-verbally and sometimes, for Derek, that's actually more powerful; he's not as good at talking, sometimes, as Claire has almost definitely noticed.
Derek takes a deep breath, letting it out in a contented sigh through his nostrils when she rests her head against his chest to listen to his heart. He can hear hers without reciprocating the action but it's nice to hear that it's not erratic with uncertainty, or worse, fear that he'll turn on her in this form.
He waits patiently, comfortably, until she sits back up before getting almost grudgingly back to his feet again and then lowering himself into a sit as he looks back at her, studying her expression and trying to gauge what she might be thinking and whether he ought to stay like this longer or transition back out; whether the latter will shatter this sort of moment of bonding they're sharing when he's feeling less inhibited because he feels safer when he's embracing this part of himself than he does when he's hiding it in the human form. ]
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If he wants to change back, she'll take it. If he wants to stay like this longer, she'll also take it. She genuinely doesn't have words, right now, and all she can think of doing if he does change back is lean in, hold and touch him as a human as she did when he was a wolf. ]
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