[ There's a flicker of annoyance, but Allison pulls a breath in her nose. Calming the all too ready edge of her nerves, the way she has for the last decade.
Because she knows she's not annoyed at Derek, and that if anyone could be, he might be with her. Still, she masters that too sharp, too raw want that hasn't been an outlet option for that same decade. ]
I don't know. Maybe. I just kind of want to be alone for a while.
[ Is there ever going to be any getting better from missing his sister? Probably not, especially when this place has torn open the slowly healing wound and poured a Vanya-, Klaus-, and Dave-sized bucket of salt into it.
The most depressing part is that he had the same feeling Vanya had about that train. The difference was that that feeling told her to get off it. That feeling only made Derek want to stay on it more. He'd been ready to die if it meant staying with Laura and they took away his choice. He's lost Laura twice and he'd had a semblance of control this time until they took it from him. It almost makes everything hurt twice as much, that way, so his desire to do anything other than sleep and workout alone in his room has been incredibly low. He hasn't even gone for a run since getting back. ]
[ The responses is pretty straight forward. Except. She stares at the last part. Trying to decide if that's her. But then the word appears, and she doesn't think it is. She doesn't think he'd be sorry if it was what she said. Not that he wasn't allowed to be annoyed. She would be. She knows that.
Decided whether to touch it takes a good bit more looking at it. They aren't quite something she'd call friends.
Friendly enough. Meeting a mutal need. ]
Don't worry about.
[ She taps a nail on the side of her communicator. It doesn't feel like enough. Not even for not-quite-friends and last-time-we-spoke-I-told-you-I'd-be-okay-killing-you. But she was honest about the other part she said, too. She didn't dislike him. She didn't have a reason to at all.
And she didn't not care. Even under all the irritation biting deep into her edges, wanting the one and only way she really could think of to reach a trained state of mind where she couldn't think, feel, remember. Just blot it out. Her face. Her voice. For a few minutes. Before she'd be desperate for it, even for the pain. For anything. Even the lie again. Just to see her. Hear her. Lie to herself they'd find a way to save her.
[ Ironically, even though he's never actually wanted to die and he's always fought to keep himself alive even when the cards were stacked against him, I'll live is the problem.
It takes too much energy to try to come up with some platitude. It's easier to be honest, so he is. It doesn't answer her question, but it does at the same time, if she does a little research and then reads between the lines. It'll have to do. ]
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no subject
Calming the all too ready edge of her nerves, the way she has for the last decade.
Because she knows she's not annoyed at Derek, and that if anyone could be, he might be with her.
Still, she masters that too sharp, too raw want that hasn't been an outlet option for that same decade. ]
Okay.
Later this week?
no subject
[ Is there ever going to be any getting better from missing his sister? Probably not, especially when this place has torn open the slowly healing wound and poured a Vanya-, Klaus-, and Dave-sized bucket of salt into it.
The most depressing part is that he had the same feeling Vanya had about that train. The difference was that that feeling told her to get off it. That feeling only made Derek want to stay on it more. He'd been ready to die if it meant staying with Laura and they took away his choice. He's lost Laura twice and he'd had a semblance of control this time until they took it from him. It almost makes everything hurt twice as much, that way, so his desire to do anything other than sleep and workout alone in his room has been incredibly low. He hasn't even gone for a run since getting back. ]
Sorry.
no subject
Decided whether to touch it takes a good bit more looking at it.
They aren't quite something she'd call friends.
Friendly enough. Meeting a mutal need. ]
Don't worry about.
[ She taps a nail on the side of her communicator. It doesn't feel like enough. Not even for not-quite-friends and last-time-we-spoke-I-told-you-I'd-be-okay-killing-you. But she was honest about the other part she said, too. She didn't dislike him. She didn't have a reason to at all.
And she didn't not care. Even under all the irritation biting deep into her edges, wanting the one and only way she really could think of to reach a trained state of mind where she couldn't think, feel, remember. Just blot it out. Her face. Her voice. For a few minutes. Before she'd be desperate for it, even for the pain. For anything. Even the lie again. Just to see her. Hear her. Lie to herself they'd find a way to save her.
A few more seconds. ]
Are you okay?
no subject
[ Ironically, even though he's never actually wanted to die and he's always fought to keep himself alive even when the cards were stacked against him, I'll live is the problem.
It takes too much energy to try to come up with some platitude. It's easier to be honest, so he is. It doesn't answer her question, but it does at the same time, if she does a little research and then reads between the lines. It'll have to do. ]