[This is why he prefers texts to a lot of more immediate, and verbal, forms of communication. He can take his time and figure out what he's trying to say. And if it takes a little longer, it matters a lot less, because people aren't just staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something.]
You okay?
[Although it doesn't stop him from sending things he wish he hadn't, still. That was a stupid question. No taking it back now, though.]
[ Normal people don't just stare at the little gray dots, Derek.
When the dots stop appearing and disappearing and are replaced by actual words, Derek rolls his eyes again. That's a stupid question and he can't imagine Diego not knowing that. All the same... ]
Terrific.
[ A moment later: ]
To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking through Diego's phone today?
If any of that was true, it seems like he was fucking with you more than he was fucking with em. So, you don't have to apologize.
[ It's a subtle way of asking whether any of that stuff was true, but he doesn't actually expect Diego to answer it. ]
If it really is you, glad you're okay.
[ There. That was honest. He's still pretty butthurt over the whole blow up in his phone when he got back from the train, but he does genuinely mean that, at least. ]
[There's a considerable pause before his next words appear. No bouncing dots, no type-delete-retype steps. He just sits and debates it internally before he says anything else about it at all. Considers how much he really should say, admit to, own.
In the end, it's nothing. Not really. He doesn't own any of it directly at all.]
Thanks...
[Another pause. He hates how much easier it was for the doppelganger to just... say things, even if everything it did say makes Diego want the world to swallow him whole so he doesn't have to deal with the awkwardness of all of it bare and on the table.]
Is any of this...reparable? Can we...be okay?
[Those two questions, if nothing else, prove one thing the Shadow said was right: Diego is definitely concerned that he's wrecked this friendship to the point of Derek deciding he's simply better off leaving it where it is and never speaking to him again.]
[ It isn't an apology, but an apology from Diego feels like the kind of thing he'll only get if he reciprocates proactively. Those two questions, though, open a door and Derek sighs, scrubbing his face with both hands.
They mean Diego might not want to come out and say it, but he cares as much as Derek does. ...and they want the same thing. ]
Yeah. I'm bored of hating you. It got old.
[ That would've come with a smirk and a casual swig of beer if they were in the bar right now. ]
Sorry about the shitty things I said. I was just mad. I wasn't even that mad at you, I was just mad at other stuff and I took it out on you because you were there to take it out on.
[ At Vanya. At the train. At Leonard for making Vanya get on the train in the first place. At the universe for making him see Laura in pieces again. ]
[An out-and-out apology isn't probably something that will pass Diego's lips. He hasn't even truly done that with his own siblings and his innumerable discretions with them. But he can get close. Hopefully close enough that it can be accepted for one all the same, at least.
His lips twitch into a small smirk at that first remark.]
Good to know.
Don't worry about it, I get it. I didn't know where you were... and you weren't answering... and that really irrational part of my brain is really good at running away with the smallest assumptions. Yeah. I know the feeling. It's so much easier to just be angry.
[ That's about as close as he's going to get, Derek supposes. He guesses, if nothing else, the doppelganger was right about that.
Angry has always been easier. It's never smarter or more productive, but it's always easier. I get it.
You know, for the record...if I ever don't answer you in the future? Assume there's something wrong. I don't just blow people off. If I want them to fuck off, I'll be the first person to say so, man. I have no reason not to. Okay?
[They really were so much alike in so many ways. And still so incredibly different in others.]
Yeah, I... see that now. I'll keep it in mind, if there's a next time.
Hopefully there's not a next time, though.
[He wants to ask if they're still on for Friday, but he's not sure if he should. He's not sure they're that okay. He barely ever managed to trip his way around disagreements and arguments with Patch, and she's probably the most level-headed, patient person Diego has ever met in his life. Most people are not like that, and he really doesn't want to mess this already so taut and tentative thing up even further by stepping too far forward, too fast.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Are you busDo you want t
I just
[This is why he prefers texts to a lot of more immediate, and verbal, forms of communication. He can take his time and figure out what he's trying to say. And if it takes a little longer, it matters a lot less, because people aren't just staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something.]
You okay?
[Although it doesn't stop him from sending things he wish he hadn't, still. That was a stupid question. No taking it back now, though.]
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When the dots stop appearing and disappearing and are replaced by actual words, Derek rolls his eyes again. That's a stupid question and he can't imagine Diego not knowing that. All the same... ]
Terrific.
[ A moment later: ]
To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking through Diego's phone today?
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Right. I know... dumb question.
SorryIt's me.
I mean. Actually me.
I don't... know how to prove that to you, but... yeah.
I saw...that conversation.
Sorry it decided to fuck with you, when we're already not exactly talking.
[Except they are. Right this second. Can he stop saying stupid shit, please and fucking thank you.]
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So, you don't have to apologize.
[ It's a subtle way of asking whether any of that stuff was true, but he doesn't actually expect Diego to answer it. ]
If it really is you, glad you're okay.
[ There. That was honest. He's still pretty butthurt over the whole blow up in his phone when he got back from the train, but he does genuinely mean that, at least. ]
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[There's a considerable pause before his next words appear. No bouncing dots, no type-delete-retype steps. He just sits and debates it internally before he says anything else about it at all. Considers how much he really should say, admit to, own.
In the end, it's nothing. Not really. He doesn't own any of it directly at all.]
Thanks...
[Another pause. He hates how much easier it was for the doppelganger to just... say things, even if everything it did say makes Diego want the world to swallow him whole so he doesn't have to deal with the awkwardness of all of it bare and on the table.]
Is any of this...reparable?
Can we...be okay?
[Those two questions, if nothing else, prove one thing the Shadow said was right: Diego is definitely concerned that he's wrecked this friendship to the point of Derek deciding he's simply better off leaving it where it is and never speaking to him again.]
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They mean Diego might not want to come out and say it, but he cares as much as Derek does. ...and they want the same thing. ]
Yeah. I'm bored of hating you. It got old.
[ That would've come with a smirk and a casual swig of beer if they were in the bar right now. ]
Sorry about the shitty things I said. I was just mad. I wasn't even that mad at you, I was just mad at other stuff and I took it out on you because you were there to take it out on.
[ At Vanya. At the train. At Leonard for making Vanya get on the train in the first place. At the universe for making him see Laura in pieces again. ]
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His lips twitch into a small smirk at that first remark.]
Good to know.
Don't worry about it, I get it.
I didn't know where you were... and you weren't answering... and that really irrational part of my brain is really good at running away with the smallest assumptions.
Yeah. I know the feeling. It's so much easier to just be angry.
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Angry has always been easier. It's never smarter or more productive, but it's always easier. I get it.
You know, for the record...if I ever don't answer you in the future? Assume there's something wrong. I don't just blow people off. If I want them to fuck off, I'll be the first person to say so, man. I have no reason not to. Okay?
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[They really were so much alike in so many ways. And still so incredibly different in others.]
Yeah, I... see that now. I'll keep it in mind, if there's a next time.
Hopefully there's not a next time, though.
[He wants to ask if they're still on for Friday, but he's not sure if he should. He's not sure they're that okay. He barely ever managed to trip his way around disagreements and arguments with Patch, and she's probably the most level-headed, patient person Diego has ever met in his life. Most people are not like that, and he really doesn't want to mess this already so taut and tentative thing up even further by stepping too far forward, too fast.]
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[ There's always a next time, though. It's just how it is. ]
But yeah, we're cool.
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[It's a solid fifteen minutes before he decides to just bite the bullet and ask.]
So... Friday?
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Yeah, obviously.
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Cool. See you then.
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