[Diego arrives at Pour Decisions at the same time as always for his weekly drinks with Derek. It's slowly becoming a sort of routine he's built with the guy. He guesses for all intents and purposes, Derek is his friend. Diego's had... about one of those in his life, and he ended up both dating, and being broken up with by, her so this is sufficiently weird territory. Especially since he doesn't particularly plan on taking this friendship into the same place his with Patch had gone.
He takes the liberty to order a beer for them both and goes to the booth near the back where they always sit to wait. He's sure Derek will walk through the door any minute now.]
5:17pm I went ahead and grabbed our table in the back.
5:47pm I guess your puppy appointments really kept you over today.
[It was almost amusing, at first. Derek wasn't, in Diego's experience so far, much of the type to be late.
But as time ticked by, it was easily more grating. He found a small seed of irritation settling sour in his stomach as the clock kept reading later and later, still with no sign or word from Derek.]
6:21pm Your beer was getting hot, so I drank for you. You're welcome.
6:48pm Just let me know when you're on the way, I guess.
7:13pm Yeah, all right. Message fucking received, asshole.
[He slaps a tip for the waitress on the table and leaves the bar with a huff. It's stupid, somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he shouldn't be mad. He shouldn't even care. None of it should matter. But he is, and he does, and it matters.
Insecurity is a devil of a thing, and something Diego personally has in absolute spades. It's the kind of thing that starts small and sharp, and slowly festers and becomes more explosive. Or that's the manifestation it takes in Diego, at least. Anger is always so much easier to use to shape words into weapons to yield at people.
It's that slow-bubbling sense of irritation that makes him bother sending even one more thing, hours later even after the first handful of texts had already been steadily ignored.]
11:33pm You know what? You really a fucking asshole for this, man. I don't fucking do this with people, and honestly, it was a risk on my part. One you're really proving that I never should have taken in the first place.
You could have at least saved face and told me you couldn't make it. Or better yet, owned the decision to cut me out enough to tell me to fuck off.
[He probably shouldn't have sent that. Any of it. But Diego's impulsive and he's mad, and it seemed like the best option. Made him feel better for a second or two, just to throw every ounce of that anger into words.
A petty part of him hopes it hurts when he sees it. Another part of him kind of wishes he knew how to delete things from another person's phone, remotely.]
[ Derek is still livid with Vanya when he finally gets home and he can plug his phone in and power it up again. He'd waited for what felt like forever back at that same place where the train had let him on before, but it never came back for him after Vanya coaxed him off. So, by the time he gets home and the phone powers up only to immediately blow up with texts he's missed from Diego, he's already raw with fury. His emotions take a rollercoaster ride as he opens them, first feeling terrible for his phone having died only a few minutes after his last text to Jane, hours before Diego's first one came through. He feels a twinge of rejection when Diego sounds more resigned than worried, because if it had been the other way around, Derek's text would've been more along the lines of Hey, man...starting to get worried over here. Guess I'm too paranoid for my own good. You okay? than what Diego sent.
Finally, by the time he gets to the part where Diego had clearly decided that Derek was just blowing him off and apparently had never considered that something might be wrong Derek had chucked the phone across the room so hard that it wedged between the couch cushions when it landed. His patience with all things Hargreeves had been completely shot, first with Allison grating on him, then with Vanya luring him away from the only person available to him that he knew would and did love him, no matter what, and finally reading those texts.
It's days before Derek finally has a cool enough head to text back without making things exponentially worse. ]
I saw Laura and I followed her. I wound up on that ghost train that evidently everyone was talking about. Vanya dragged me off and now my sister's gone and I'll never see her again. I'm fine, by the way, thanks for asking.
[ Okay, maybe not that cool...
Derek types and deletes the same message three times before he finally has to exit the messaging app entirely to resist the urge to actually send it because there's no tone in text and he know that, without it, the only way Diego can take it is as a low blow insult when it's actually a genuine question. He'll wait until they get together next. ...if they get together next, he supposes. ]
[The days roll by and, as far as Diego is concerned, it does nothing but prove what he'd assumed half a week ago-- Derek had decided he wasn't worth his time. Truthfully, Diego isn't surprised. Especially with everything going on with him, and the rest of his family, lately? It's probably the least surprising turn of events. Most people don't invite that kind of drama and insanity into their lives. Diego mostly just hates that he'd dared to think he could have a friend in this place. Or any place, if he's honest. Hargreeves don't have friends, he should have known better.
He's just gotten through Porter security-- honestly, he's still pissed there has been no opportunity for him to Register, now that it was part of his deal with the judge-- and is heading to his house when the text from Derek comes in. He doesn't open it for a few blocks. He can see part of the message in the notification window.
I saw Laura and I followed her. I wound...
Eventually, curiosity matters more than his own stupid stubbornness and he opens it, and frowns. Sure, he'd heard something about it-- and immediately thought about how it would obviously be the last place anyone might find Klaus-- but he hadn't really considered Derek might have got caught up in that mess.
Maybe he should have expected it, somehow. Derek has told him about the fire that took most of his family. Not all the gritty details, but that fact all on its own should maybe have been a clue of a kind. But it didn't connected in his head; the doubt, the insecurities he carries too close at all times, the regret for trying at all with him all drowned out anything else.
But it's that sentence in the middle that catches him the hardest, first, even more than the passive aggressive snap at the end, which would usually be so much easier the thing to get to him.]
Vanya dragged you off the train? Seriously?
[He's not sure if it's confusion or pride that's trying to war in his head on that, honestly. There's something incredibly impressive about that idea at all.]
It's not like I knew where you were! How do you get to CONTINUE to be an asshole over something I didn't know was happening in the first fucking place?
[That may be worded poorly. He means that Derek had gotten snatched into the ghost train shenanigans-- but it kind of comes across a lot more like he didn't know about the train at all. Which is not true, because ten million things have been happening every time he blinks this month and it was impossible not to notice it, even without engaging in it. Diego had so much more going on the last few weeks, he had stayed out of most of the weird shit happening in this world recently. But only a hermit under a rock could have completely missed it happening.]
Edited (a typo that would have bugged me every time I re-read this ahaha) 2019-10-21 12:42 (UTC)
[ Derek stares down at the phone incredulously when the response comes. Is he serious? If Derek didn't already know that Diego isn't really the joking type, especially considering the context of the conversation, he'd just assume that Diego was fucking with him. Instead, Diego focuses in on literally the least important part of the text message Derek sent and then continues to complain that Derek's the asshole in this situation. ]
THAT'S your takeaway? Yeah, well, she started playing the violin and I couldn't not follow her, so she didn't exactly strongarm me physically but she might as well have. Congratulations to her.
Are you even aware of what you're texting right now? You're mad at me for not showing up for a beer when I COULDN'T show up for a beer. I just lost my Alpha. AGAIN.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
[ Every part of him wants to just stop texting and delete his message histories for Diego and Vanya both so that he isn't tempted to text either of them again anytime soon. The feeling of betrayal from both of them cuts him so deep and it's almost compounded by the fact that he's just had to lose his sister for a second time and will have to mourn her death all alone again.
This place isn't a second chance for anything, is it? It's just a new setting in which he can continue to be miserable and fucked up with an unfamiliar brand of threat to have to eventually fight against, isn't it?
Friends. Derek Hale having friends. He should've realized how laughable that concept was a long time ago and if he hadn't figured it out on his own, the surprised and overly proud look on Laura's face when he'd talked about them so much should've been telling.
Gee, sorry I took five seconds to be impressed with my sister. That must really hurt your pride.
[The snipe in the texts doesn't show the apprehension or the concern at the mention of Vanya and violin. He knows she can't, shouldn't give up something she loves so fiercely just because of a power she and the rest of them are barely even beginning to get in a place of trying to understand-- but it doesn't stop the worry from curling hot low in his chest. But if tossing Derek off a train is the worst of what happened- well- maybe he doesn't have to worry too much about it.]
What's the difference in that and you being mad that I didn't know you were hung up on some ghost train? Sorry I didn't immediately jump to the idea that you were in some kind of trouble, or that something was wrong. I didn't exactly think you were enough of a damsel that you wouldn't be able to handle yourself if something came up, but I'll make sure to remember that next time.
[The problem with fighting with Diego is... he won't stop. He'll keep going and keep pushing, keep throwing steel-laced barbs and going for the throat every time with his words. And Derek? Derek has talked a lot in their meet-ups. For how little time they've known each other, Diego knows a lot about the other man to throw at him and Derek might seriously come to regret even engaging in any of this with him by the time it's all over.]
[ Every part of Diego's response stings in a way Derek hasn't actually let himself feel since finding out that Peter had been the one to kill Laura. While vastly different ends of the betrayal spectrum, the pain feels exactly the same: someone he thought he could count on would rather remind him why he should never trust anyone and just stay alone because everyone, including Derek, is better off that way.
Diego takes a swipe first at Derek's loyalty to Vanya and Derek's response comes to mind, flows through his fingers, and gets sent before Derek can take the time to think it through and realize now he's just being mean because it hurts less than being hurt. ]
No, not really, it's about time you give her an ounce of credit for something good, right?
[ At the same time as he realizes what a shitty thing that was to say to Diego, he also realizes that it's defending Vanya and, right now, that's about the last thing Derek's in the mood to be doing.
Diego's other texts then throw blows at his pride and insult his loyalty to Diego himself. That actually kind of hurts more than anything else, that latter bit. If there's one thing Derek prides himself in, its loyalty to his pack and, until about five minutes ago, that was something Derek had considered Diego to be a part of, here at least. Now, he's really not so sure. He can't even make good choices for friends, let alone romantic partners. Everyone he cared about got home ended up hurt or dead because of him. All signs point to Omega for Life being his best course of action and Derek does not like that. ]
You're an idiot. I'm not mad that you didn't know I was on the train. I got on the train because I WANTED to be on the train. I'm mad that you immediately just assumed that I was a dick who ditched you instead of thinking that maybe there was something more to it, but you know what? That's fine. Maybe I should've ditched you if that's how you feel, anyway, instead of wasting both of our time.
[ He doesn't mean any of that last part, and he knows it even before he sends it, but some part of him just wants Diego to hurt, too, if he has to and maybe that's stupid and childish. No, it's definitely stupid and childish, but he can't help it. Right now, he really could use a friend and both of the ones he held closest to him are the last people he feels inclined to trust to be that person for him. That's a really lonely feeling, being right back where he started before he got here. ]
[The response to that first text is instant, knee-jerk, and white-hot. There is no thought or consideration to it at all. Just venom. It's all so much more of an exposed nerve now that he's in the painstakingly slow process of trying to be better than he has been with Vanya.]
Fuck you. Seriously, keep my relationships with my siblings out of your fucking mouth. It's not any of your fucking business.
[He's incredulous at the whole idea of it, honestly. What he's heard about the train- wanting to be on it just doesn't compute for him. He may have thought differently if he'd actually come across it, he supposes. If he were calmer, he might take the moment to think what he might have done if he'd seen Mom or Patch, but as it is he's nothing like calm and the thought doesn't cross his mind at all.]
I'll save you the trouble.
[Anything sent after that won't be replied to, but would definitely have the read receipt there, to let Derek know he saw it. Petty is as petty does.
There's no way for him to efficiently explain the reason that's the first thought in the situation. There is too much there to put it into words-- but the truth is, insecurity is Diego's default programming from entirely too many years of being told he wasn't enough, wasn't good enough, didn't match up, and it's such an automatic state he doesn't even notice it as a separate entity anymore.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text/one-sided action/meta » 10/18
He takes the liberty to order a beer for them both and goes to the booth near the back where they always sit to wait. He's sure Derek will walk through the door any minute now.]
5:17pm
I went ahead and grabbed our table in the back.
5:47pm
I guess your puppy appointments really kept you over today.
[It was almost amusing, at first. Derek wasn't, in Diego's experience so far, much of the type to be late.
But as time ticked by, it was easily more grating. He found a small seed of irritation settling sour in his stomach as the clock kept reading later and later, still with no sign or word from Derek.]
6:21pm
Your beer was getting hot, so I drank for you.
You're welcome.
6:48pm
Just let me know when you're on the way, I guess.
7:13pm
Yeah, all right. Message fucking received, asshole.
[He slaps a tip for the waitress on the table and leaves the bar with a huff. It's stupid, somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he shouldn't be mad. He shouldn't even care. None of it should matter. But he is, and he does, and it matters.
Insecurity is a devil of a thing, and something Diego personally has in absolute spades. It's the kind of thing that starts small and sharp, and slowly festers and becomes more explosive. Or that's the manifestation it takes in Diego, at least. Anger is always so much easier to use to shape words into weapons to yield at people.
It's that slow-bubbling sense of irritation that makes him bother sending even one more thing, hours later even after the first handful of texts had already been steadily ignored.]
11:33pm
You know what? You really a fucking asshole for this, man. I don't fucking do this with people, and honestly, it was a risk on my part. One you're really proving that I never should have taken in the first place.
You could have at least saved face and told me you couldn't make it.
Or better yet, owned the decision to cut me out enough to tell me to fuck off.
[He probably shouldn't have sent that. Any of it. But Diego's impulsive and he's mad, and it seemed like the best option. Made him feel better for a second or two, just to throw every ounce of that anger into words.
A petty part of him hopes it hurts when he sees it.
Another part of him kind of wishes he knew how to delete things from another person's phone, remotely.]
text; 10/23
Finally, by the time he gets to the part where Diego had clearly decided that Derek was just blowing him off and apparently had never considered that something might be wrong Derek had chucked the phone across the room so hard that it wedged between the couch cushions when it landed. His patience with all things Hargreeves had been completely shot, first with Allison grating on him, then with Vanya luring him away from the only person available to him that he knew would and did love him, no matter what, and finally reading those texts.
It's days before Derek finally has a cool enough head to text back without making things exponentially worse. ]
I saw Laura and I followed her. I wound up on that ghost train that evidently everyone was talking about. Vanya dragged me off and now my sister's gone and I'll never see her again. I'm fine, by the way, thanks for asking.
[ Okay, maybe not that cool...
Derek types and deletes the same message three times before he finally has to exit the messaging app entirely to resist the urge to actually send it because there's no tone in text and he know that, without it, the only way Diego can take it is as a low blow insult when it's actually a genuine question. He'll wait until they get together next. ...if they get together next, he supposes. ]
no subject
He's just gotten through Porter security-- honestly, he's still pissed there has been no opportunity for him to Register, now that it was part of his deal with the judge-- and is heading to his house when the text from Derek comes in. He doesn't open it for a few blocks. He can see part of the message in the notification window.
I saw Laura and I followed her. I wound...
Eventually, curiosity matters more than his own stupid stubbornness and he opens it, and frowns. Sure, he'd heard something about it-- and immediately thought about how it would obviously be the last place anyone might find Klaus-- but he hadn't really considered Derek might have got caught up in that mess.
Maybe he should have expected it, somehow.
Derek has told him about the fire that took most of his family. Not all the gritty details, but that fact all on its own should maybe have been a clue of a kind. But it didn't connected in his head; the doubt, the insecurities he carries too close at all times, the regret for trying at all with him all drowned out anything else.
But it's that sentence in the middle that catches him the hardest, first, even more than the passive aggressive snap at the end, which would usually be so much easier the thing to get to him.]
Vanya dragged you off the train? Seriously?
[He's not sure if it's confusion or pride that's trying to war in his head on that, honestly. There's something incredibly impressive about that idea at all.]
It's not like I knew where you were!
How do you get to CONTINUE to be an asshole over something I didn't know was happening in the first fucking place?
[That may be worded poorly. He means that Derek had gotten snatched into the ghost train shenanigans-- but it kind of comes across a lot more like he didn't know about the train at all. Which is not true, because ten million things have been happening every time he blinks this month and it was impossible not to notice it, even without engaging in it. Diego had so much more going on the last few weeks, he had stayed out of most of the weird shit happening in this world recently. But only a hermit under a rock could have completely missed it happening.]
no subject
THAT'S your takeaway? Yeah, well, she started playing the violin and I couldn't not follow her, so she didn't exactly strongarm me physically but she might as well have. Congratulations to her.
Are you even aware of what you're texting right now? You're mad at me for not showing up for a beer when I COULDN'T show up for a beer. I just lost my Alpha.
AGAIN.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
[ Every part of him wants to just stop texting and delete his message histories for Diego and Vanya both so that he isn't tempted to text either of them again anytime soon. The feeling of betrayal from both of them cuts him so deep and it's almost compounded by the fact that he's just had to lose his sister for a second time and will have to mourn her death all alone again.
This place isn't a second chance for anything, is it? It's just a new setting in which he can continue to be miserable and fucked up with an unfamiliar brand of threat to have to eventually fight against, isn't it?
Friends. Derek Hale having friends. He should've realized how laughable that concept was a long time ago and if he hadn't figured it out on his own, the surprised and overly proud look on Laura's face when he'd talked about them so much should've been telling.
Derek's an idiot. ]
no subject
[The snipe in the texts doesn't show the apprehension or the concern at the mention of Vanya and violin. He knows she can't, shouldn't give up something she loves so fiercely just because of a power she and the rest of them are barely even beginning to get in a place of trying to understand-- but it doesn't stop the worry from curling hot low in his chest. But if tossing Derek off a train is the worst of what happened- well- maybe he doesn't have to worry too much about it.]
What's the difference in that and you being mad that I didn't know you were hung up on some ghost train?
Sorry I didn't immediately jump to the idea that you were in some kind of trouble, or that something was wrong. I didn't exactly think you were enough of a damsel that you wouldn't be able to handle yourself if something came up, but I'll make sure to remember that next time.
[The problem with fighting with Diego is... he won't stop. He'll keep going and keep pushing, keep throwing steel-laced barbs and going for the throat every time with his words. And Derek? Derek has talked a lot in their meet-ups. For how little time they've known each other, Diego knows a lot about the other man to throw at him and Derek might seriously come to regret even engaging in any of this with him by the time it's all over.]
no subject
Diego takes a swipe first at Derek's loyalty to Vanya and Derek's response comes to mind, flows through his fingers, and gets sent before Derek can take the time to think it through and realize now he's just being mean because it hurts less than being hurt. ]
No, not really, it's about time you give her an ounce of credit for something good, right?
[ At the same time as he realizes what a shitty thing that was to say to Diego, he also realizes that it's defending Vanya and, right now, that's about the last thing Derek's in the mood to be doing.
Diego's other texts then throw blows at his pride and insult his loyalty to Diego himself. That actually kind of hurts more than anything else, that latter bit. If there's one thing Derek prides himself in, its loyalty to his pack and, until about five minutes ago, that was something Derek had considered Diego to be a part of, here at least. Now, he's really not so sure. He can't even make good choices for friends, let alone romantic partners. Everyone he cared about got home ended up hurt or dead because of him. All signs point to Omega for Life being his best course of action and Derek does not like that. ]
You're an idiot. I'm not mad that you didn't know I was on the train. I got on the train because I WANTED to be on the train. I'm mad that you immediately just assumed that I was a dick who ditched you instead of thinking that maybe there was something more to it, but you know what? That's fine. Maybe I should've ditched you if that's how you feel, anyway, instead of wasting both of our time.
[ He doesn't mean any of that last part, and he knows it even before he sends it, but some part of him just wants Diego to hurt, too, if he has to and maybe that's stupid and childish. No, it's definitely stupid and childish, but he can't help it. Right now, he really could use a friend and both of the ones he held closest to him are the last people he feels inclined to trust to be that person for him. That's a really lonely feeling, being right back where he started before he got here. ]
no subject
Fuck you.
Seriously, keep my relationships with my siblings out of your fucking mouth. It's not any of your fucking business.
[He's incredulous at the whole idea of it, honestly. What he's heard about the train- wanting to be on it just doesn't compute for him. He may have thought differently if he'd actually come across it, he supposes. If he were calmer, he might take the moment to think what he might have done if he'd seen Mom or Patch, but as it is he's nothing like calm and the thought doesn't cross his mind at all.]
I'll save you the trouble.
[Anything sent after that won't be replied to, but would definitely have the read receipt there, to let Derek know he saw it. Petty is as petty does.
There's no way for him to efficiently explain the reason that's the first thought in the situation. There is too much there to put it into words-- but the truth is, insecurity is Diego's default programming from entirely too many years of being told he wasn't enough, wasn't good enough, didn't match up, and it's such an automatic state he doesn't even notice it as a separate entity anymore.]