My siblings are insisting on a birthday party for all of us this year. You're one of, like, two people I can even think to invite so. You wanna be there? It's October 1st.
[ Okay he can't not laugh for a second before he sends his response, because honestly...that's the strangest way he's ever been invited to anything in his entire life. ]
[She decides to call him, rather than text. It seems weirdly easier, this way - and she'd like to hear his voice. And still despite that, she lets it ring once and then hangs up before deciding that is the dumbest fucking way to deal with this. She calls again, waiting for him to answer]
[ When his phone only gives a stunted half-ring before it stops, Derek looks over at it with a creased brow. He picks it up from the side table next to his couch to check it, just in time for it to actually ring and to see Vanya's name on the caller ID.
Smiling a little to himself that he didn't have to be the one to make first contact this time, he answers sounding pleasantly surprised. ]
That's fine. There's a lot going on. Let's just plan to meet next week. We're both all over the place this week, Allison. It won't kill us to skip a week.
[Diego arrives at Pour Decisions at the same time as always for his weekly drinks with Derek. It's slowly becoming a sort of routine he's built with the guy. He guesses for all intents and purposes, Derek is his friend. Diego's had... about one of those in his life, and he ended up both dating, and being broken up with by, her so this is sufficiently weird territory. Especially since he doesn't particularly plan on taking this friendship into the same place his with Patch had gone.
He takes the liberty to order a beer for them both and goes to the booth near the back where they always sit to wait. He's sure Derek will walk through the door any minute now.]
5:17pm I went ahead and grabbed our table in the back.
5:47pm I guess your puppy appointments really kept you over today.
[It was almost amusing, at first. Derek wasn't, in Diego's experience so far, much of the type to be late.
But as time ticked by, it was easily more grating. He found a small seed of irritation settling sour in his stomach as the clock kept reading later and later, still with no sign or word from Derek.]
6:21pm Your beer was getting hot, so I drank for you. You're welcome.
6:48pm Just let me know when you're on the way, I guess.
7:13pm Yeah, all right. Message fucking received, asshole.
[He slaps a tip for the waitress on the table and leaves the bar with a huff. It's stupid, somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he shouldn't be mad. He shouldn't even care. None of it should matter. But he is, and he does, and it matters.
Insecurity is a devil of a thing, and something Diego personally has in absolute spades. It's the kind of thing that starts small and sharp, and slowly festers and becomes more explosive. Or that's the manifestation it takes in Diego, at least. Anger is always so much easier to use to shape words into weapons to yield at people.
It's that slow-bubbling sense of irritation that makes him bother sending even one more thing, hours later even after the first handful of texts had already been steadily ignored.]
11:33pm You know what? You really a fucking asshole for this, man. I don't fucking do this with people, and honestly, it was a risk on my part. One you're really proving that I never should have taken in the first place.
You could have at least saved face and told me you couldn't make it. Or better yet, owned the decision to cut me out enough to tell me to fuck off.
[He probably shouldn't have sent that. Any of it. But Diego's impulsive and he's mad, and it seemed like the best option. Made him feel better for a second or two, just to throw every ounce of that anger into words.
A petty part of him hopes it hurts when he sees it. Another part of him kind of wishes he knew how to delete things from another person's phone, remotely.]
[ Derek is still livid with Vanya when he finally gets home and he can plug his phone in and power it up again. He'd waited for what felt like forever back at that same place where the train had let him on before, but it never came back for him after Vanya coaxed him off. So, by the time he gets home and the phone powers up only to immediately blow up with texts he's missed from Diego, he's already raw with fury. His emotions take a rollercoaster ride as he opens them, first feeling terrible for his phone having died only a few minutes after his last text to Jane, hours before Diego's first one came through. He feels a twinge of rejection when Diego sounds more resigned than worried, because if it had been the other way around, Derek's text would've been more along the lines of Hey, man...starting to get worried over here. Guess I'm too paranoid for my own good. You okay? than what Diego sent.
Finally, by the time he gets to the part where Diego had clearly decided that Derek was just blowing him off and apparently had never considered that something might be wrong Derek had chucked the phone across the room so hard that it wedged between the couch cushions when it landed. His patience with all things Hargreeves had been completely shot, first with Allison grating on him, then with Vanya luring him away from the only person available to him that he knew would and did love him, no matter what, and finally reading those texts.
It's days before Derek finally has a cool enough head to text back without making things exponentially worse. ]
I saw Laura and I followed her. I wound up on that ghost train that evidently everyone was talking about. Vanya dragged me off and now my sister's gone and I'll never see her again. I'm fine, by the way, thanks for asking.
[ Okay, maybe not that cool...
Derek types and deletes the same message three times before he finally has to exit the messaging app entirely to resist the urge to actually send it because there's no tone in text and he know that, without it, the only way Diego can take it is as a low blow insult when it's actually a genuine question. He'll wait until they get together next. ...if they get together next, he supposes. ]
[ She could have asked this last week, but there was enough reason she thought it might be wiser not to. On top of Vanya finally being out, having to catch up on her work and the house. But then the last three days happened, and if Allison was proud, pride was an easy thing to burn out in the fire over the want to drown out the memories, her daughter's voice, face, and the visceral nature of how best to was even easier to give into. ]
[ It takes him longer than it ought to to respond to this text. He's still angry and hurt and grieving and he battles with himself trying to decide if he ought to project it into a session with Allison because he's a little ticked at her, too, if he's honest, but he ultimately decides that she'll just get the better of him because she'll be fighting with her brain while he's fighting with his aching heart and then he'll just be annoyed and embarrassed. ]
[Friends are hard to come by in Diego's life. And as much as he may bolster and yell and react so much more like an animal backed into a corner when anything goes sideways, there's a not small part of him that worries. It's an anxiety-driven thing when the Shadow of the werewolf's friend sends a text.]
I know you hate me and I guess that's justified. But I kind of feel like I should explain. Or that I shouldn't, and I should you leave you alone, because that's obviously what you'll want. But I just want you to understand some things, okay?
[There's something strange about the texts. They look fine, nothing about the screen or the typeface looks wrong, but it probably almost sounds like someone took Diego's phone and is speaking for him. That wouldn't be a completely wrong thought to have, either.
Still.
The Shadow can't wait to let him give him permission to continue or not-- he needs him to understand. It's a gripping, desperate need to be understood, to be recognized, to be enough.]
Look, I know I'm not good at this. I suck at it, really, really bad. But you are literally probably only the third friend I've ever had in my life and I don't know what I'm doing. And I hate admitting that, but it's true.
I want to be liked, but I'm not a likable person, I don't know how to be one, and honestly at this point I don't care enough to try. I just want the incredibly small amount of people in my inner circle to like me. And I am so paranoid, it probably will be my undoing. But I can't help it, I have been preconditioned to assume I will never be good enough, in whatever I decide to do. It was coded into everything I was ever taught by my father and I don't think I can let go of it, I really don't. It's who I am.
I guess my point is-- I don't know how to not be a neurotically insecure dick, and I think you and I are cut enough from the same cloth that hopefully you can understand the way the past influences the present in a really deep way sometimes, and some things from then just can't be let go of... for awhile, or sometimes ever.
[None of this is going to help. He's sure of it. If anything, he's just going to make it worse. He's good at that, right? Might be the only thing he's ever been good at, really.]
[ He reads the texts several times before responding, mostly because they sound so...wrong that he can't help momentarily forgetting how pissed off he is at Diego in favor of acknowledging the giant red flag these texts send up. ]
[The last week has sucked, and Diego is utterly drained from everything that the thing with his face caused, and all of it's fall out might still spin for days in the wake of it. He doesn't know how he'll deal with it, especially with his siblings-- things are so much harder when they're involved, always.
His siblings aren't the only ones he's had falling outs with in recent weeks. Derek hasn't spoken to him since Vanya had saved him from being eternally stuck on a death train. He's not sure he'd necessarily change anything he said, even if he could. He still felt.... justified, in a way. Derek was mad for Diego's insecurity getting in the way and... if he can't deal with that, maybe they aren't meant to be friends, because that isn't something going away any time soon.
But still.
He hates this whole thing. And he tried yesterday but never managed to get anything sent to him. The brutal truth of it is, Diego doesn't know where to start-- but at least he manages a start.]
[ The message surprises him when Derek looks down at his buzzing phone and sees Diego's name on it. Rolling his eyes, he huffs a little bit of indignation before opening the message. Is it actually Diego? Is it the thing that says it came from Diego? Is it worth his time to probably have another argument?
It's probably the loneliness he's been marinating in for a week that has him responding several minutes later. ]
[Congratulations, Derek. The day after Christmas there will be a large box at your door. Full of individually wrapped pieces of sparring gear in a dark gray color. And all somehow perfectly sized for your use. Interesting indeed. And a card, of course.
In the next year, we take this up several notches. -David]
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text » 9/21
You're one of, like, two people I can even think to invite so.
You wanna be there? It's October 1st.
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Well, when you put it that way...
Yeah, I can come by. When on the 1st and where?
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call » forward dated to 9/27
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Smiling a little to himself that he didn't have to be the one to make first contact this time, he answers sounding pleasantly surprised. ]
Hey, what's up?
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that's fine I didn't need my heart today anywayyyyy
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n•-e-r
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e-m-r-u
e•-n
e-b-d-a-i-e
r-s-r-o-e•-s
h-l•-l•-l-f
i-h-m
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I have a question
it's a weird one?
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Yeah, shoot.
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Text 10/2 { my fear is marching again, but I'm making a stand
I'll update you on later this week when I know.
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text; 10/17
[5 minutes later.]
Are you out at the moment?
[Another 5 minutes ...]
Is everything alright? No one knows where you are!
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Jane, I'm really sorry. I didn't forget you, but something came up. Can we reschedule?
It's just...I found my sister here. It's...complicated.
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text/one-sided action/meta » 10/18
He takes the liberty to order a beer for them both and goes to the booth near the back where they always sit to wait. He's sure Derek will walk through the door any minute now.]
5:17pm
I went ahead and grabbed our table in the back.
5:47pm
I guess your puppy appointments really kept you over today.
[It was almost amusing, at first. Derek wasn't, in Diego's experience so far, much of the type to be late.
But as time ticked by, it was easily more grating. He found a small seed of irritation settling sour in his stomach as the clock kept reading later and later, still with no sign or word from Derek.]
6:21pm
Your beer was getting hot, so I drank for you.
You're welcome.
6:48pm
Just let me know when you're on the way, I guess.
7:13pm
Yeah, all right. Message fucking received, asshole.
[He slaps a tip for the waitress on the table and leaves the bar with a huff. It's stupid, somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he shouldn't be mad. He shouldn't even care. None of it should matter. But he is, and he does, and it matters.
Insecurity is a devil of a thing, and something Diego personally has in absolute spades. It's the kind of thing that starts small and sharp, and slowly festers and becomes more explosive. Or that's the manifestation it takes in Diego, at least. Anger is always so much easier to use to shape words into weapons to yield at people.
It's that slow-bubbling sense of irritation that makes him bother sending even one more thing, hours later even after the first handful of texts had already been steadily ignored.]
11:33pm
You know what? You really a fucking asshole for this, man. I don't fucking do this with people, and honestly, it was a risk on my part. One you're really proving that I never should have taken in the first place.
You could have at least saved face and told me you couldn't make it.
Or better yet, owned the decision to cut me out enough to tell me to fuck off.
[He probably shouldn't have sent that. Any of it. But Diego's impulsive and he's mad, and it seemed like the best option. Made him feel better for a second or two, just to throw every ounce of that anger into words.
A petty part of him hopes it hurts when he sees it.
Another part of him kind of wishes he knew how to delete things from another person's phone, remotely.]
text; 10/23
Finally, by the time he gets to the part where Diego had clearly decided that Derek was just blowing him off and apparently had never considered that something might be wrong Derek had chucked the phone across the room so hard that it wedged between the couch cushions when it landed. His patience with all things Hargreeves had been completely shot, first with Allison grating on him, then with Vanya luring him away from the only person available to him that he knew would and did love him, no matter what, and finally reading those texts.
It's days before Derek finally has a cool enough head to text back without making things exponentially worse. ]
I saw Laura and I followed her. I wound up on that ghost train that evidently everyone was talking about. Vanya dragged me off and now my sister's gone and I'll never see her again. I'm fine, by the way, thanks for asking.
[ Okay, maybe not that cool...
Derek types and deletes the same message three times before he finally has to exit the messaging app entirely to resist the urge to actually send it because there's no tone in text and he know that, without it, the only way Diego can take it is as a low blow insult when it's actually a genuine question. He'll wait until they get together next. ...if they get together next, he supposes. ]
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Are we on again for this week?
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I can't.
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Shadow!Diego} texts » 10/25
I know you hate me and I guess that's justified.
But I kind of feel like I should explain.
Or that I shouldn't, and I should you leave you alone, because that's obviously what you'll want.
But I just want you to understand some things, okay?
[There's something strange about the texts. They look fine, nothing about the screen or the typeface looks wrong, but it probably almost sounds like someone took Diego's phone and is speaking for him. That wouldn't be a completely wrong thought to have, either.
Still.
The Shadow can't wait to let him give him permission to continue or not-- he needs him to understand. It's a gripping, desperate need to be understood, to be recognized, to be enough.]
Look, I know I'm not good at this. I suck at it, really, really bad. But you are literally probably only the third friend I've ever had in my life and I don't know what I'm doing. And I hate admitting that, but it's true.
I want to be liked, but I'm not a likable person, I don't know how to be one, and honestly at this point I don't care enough to try. I just want the incredibly small amount of people in my inner circle to like me. And I am so paranoid, it probably will be my undoing. But I can't help it, I have been preconditioned to assume I will never be good enough, in whatever I decide to do. It was coded into everything I was ever taught by my father and I don't think I can let go of it, I really don't. It's who I am.
I guess my point is-- I don't know how to not be a neurotically insecure dick, and I think you and I are cut enough from the same cloth that hopefully you can understand the way the past influences the present in a really deep way sometimes, and some things from then just can't be let go of... for awhile, or sometimes ever.
[None of this is going to help. He's sure of it. If anything, he's just going to make it worse. He's good at that, right? Might be the only thing he's ever been good at, really.]
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Who is this?
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video;
video;
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reaction only » 10/26
text » 10/27
His siblings aren't the only ones he's had falling outs with in recent weeks. Derek hasn't spoken to him since Vanya had saved him from being eternally stuck on a death train. He's not sure he'd necessarily change anything he said, even if he could. He still felt.... justified, in a way. Derek was mad for Diego's insecurity getting in the way and... if he can't deal with that, maybe they aren't meant to be friends, because that isn't something going away any time soon.
But still.
He hates this whole thing. And he tried yesterday but never managed to get anything sent to him. The brutal truth of it is, Diego doesn't know where to start-- but at least he manages a start.]
Hey.
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It's probably the loneliness he's been marinating in for a week that has him responding several minutes later. ]
Hey.
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text » 11/3
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text;
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[ He's just sort of assuming she's checking up after the whole thing in Jeopardy. ]
I probably should've touched base, I'm sorry. Are you?
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Christmas Gift left at his door
In the next year, we take this up several notches. -David]
text;
Re: text;
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card delivery!
On his doorstep, Derek will find a cute Christmas card and a short note wishing him a good holiday season and a Happy New Year.]
text;
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